My shower gets thoughts flowing

My shower gets thoughts flowing...no pun intended...but for real. Partially because I listen to music, which also sometimes gets my thinking juice revved up. I also had a track meet tonight...so I'm still on my track high...so sorry in advance

 

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

When I first heard that I thought How could you know. You don't know people's problems...You don't know what's going on in his or her life. After thinking for a few minutes I realized: Oh. You're right. God can do anything...anything is a temporary problem with God... But, I know that people who commit suicide or are suicidal feel like their problems are far from temporary. So how does the heck does this relate to my shower?

Well...every meet I write a bible verse on my calf, just above my dorky Nike crew socks, with four initials: JRJ, MJT, RAM, RLK. (All people who have passed away and have affected my life and who I am.) Well I do this is permanent marker so it won't smear. Occasionally I'll have people say something like "What? You did that in Sharpie?? How are you going to get it off?" Well believe it or not, even though it is "permanent" marker, it comes off with two showers. Sure, I have to scrub my calf a little harder. But after the first time, it's pretty faded. After the second shower its barley visible, if at all.The "permanent" marker isn't so permanent now, is it?

per·ma·nent  

/ˈpərmənənt/

Adjective

Lasting or intended to last or remain unchanged indefinitely.

People, this world, see that marker as permanent. Well sometimes it's hard to believe...especially if you've had experiences with permanent markers before...but "permanent" markers are NOT permanent.

Just as people see that marker as permanent, people see their problems in this world as permanent. Well I have news for you. They are NOT permanent. Maybe you've had experiences with these problems before...but your problems are not permanent. They are temporary.

If you don't believe me...listen to what Jesus says:

Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:22

You will rejoice and no one will take away your joy. That joy. That joy is permanent, not your problems.

"Are you a good person?"

This is something that has been on my heart lately. I've always been sort of a "good kid." Well lately, I've been feeling partially condemned and partially convicted...I'm not a good kid...It had been more commendation until church on Sunday our pastor asked us a few questions that got me thinking.

"Are you a good student?"
Yes. I actually work hard in classes and in school. I am respectful to my teachers. I could probably work on studying. Study a little more or more productively.
 
"Are you a good brother or sister?"
Well. Yeah...I could be better. My sisters are a bit older, so we don't fight as much anymore. I know I could go to them for something if I really needed it.

"Are you a good son or daughter?"
Shoot...no. No, I am not. I have been so disrespectful to my parents lately...I want nothing to do with them. I want to run away from them. I should be pouring God's love into their life. I should be a light to them. I should show them that change I want people to see in me.

"Are you a good person?"
...I don't know...

So that had been on my heart a little bit lately..."Am I a good person?" Well this morning, as I'm eating breakfast, my dad hugged me and said:

"I'm proud of you. You're a good kid. I love you, Rach."

"I'm proud of you." What? What are you proud of? I don't see very much to be proud of. That is the second time this week somebody told me they were proud of me, and I don't know what they are talking about. I wasn't doing anything at the time they told me.
"You're a good kid." It choked me up a little. You think I'm a good kid? If only you knew...If only you knew what I have done...what sometimes I plan on doing...I'm not sure you would still say I'm a good kid.




I may not think I'm a good kid, but my Father (No, not the one I was just talking about...my perfect, heavenly father) loves me enough to adopt me, call me his own, love me and die for me. His grace is sufficient. It's never ending. It's always enough and will always be enough. I need to live by what He says, not by what I see. So maybe it's seeing my problems as temporary, for God is making all things new. Or maybe it's giving myself some grace and saying to myself "It's ok...For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Whatever it is, I just need to trust God. He's making all things new...He makes beautiful things out of us...He will never give up on us.

Much love and peace!