It's a Process. It's a Journey.

I found myself deep in thought for a few minutes today. I haven't  had one of those moments for a while where I've been immersed in my own thoughts, sorting out what I think and believe in my own little head, which seems to have countless depths to explore.

I was thinking about what I know now (essentially nothing) and what I knew just a few years ago. I am amazed at how much I've learned in just the past year. I sat in thought driving through campus (which is quite funny if you know anything about my college. It has a perimeter of about a mile and a half...there is not much to drive through). But that's about the time my thought stayed.

I realized that I am no longer in a rush. I am no longer in a rush to figure things out, find the right answers, and become a "good Christian." Not that we can actually be "good," but I did think I could get to a place where I was doing most things right.

I'm okay with where I'm at in my journey of life, my journey of faith. I'm okay with not knowing. I'm okay with having beliefs, thoughts, and opinions that are going to change. I do not have to have it figured out, pinned down, cut down to precisely what I am going to believe for the rest of my years.

To clarify some of this, I am not saying that I am complacent. I'm not advocating for wandering and lollygagging through life as if nothing matters. I'm not in a rush to figure things out because I know that it is a process. I am eager, that's for sure. I'm not avoiding things, but going through the processes of learning and maturing.

I'm not "okay with where I'm at" in the sense that I don't plan on moving. I'm not setting up camp. I'm not staying forever. I'm simply okay with the fact that I am on a journey.

I'm not saying that I am complacent in my knowledge. I want to learn more. Gosh, if I could read books half of the day and talk to people the other half, I would do that for the rest of my life! I want to learn more.

I'm not okay with having beliefs, thoughts, and opinions that are going to change because I don't care what I think, but because I know life, maturity, and knowledge are all processes. It takes time. It takes steps. It requires us to believe something in order to mold, shape, and change that belief.

This is essentially the thought I had today that entered my mind only to drift out just moments later. It's not expansive, nor quality wisdom, but it's something. I may, and probably will, look at this five months from now and disagree with half of it, and that's okay. I'm okay with that, but I'm in no rush to figure it out. I am eager, but not rushed. I'm on a journey, I'm okay with where I'm at, but I don't intend on staying here.

Healing the Hurt: The Surgery Went Well

As imperfect, fragile humans living in a fallen word, we often get hurt. We may be hurt by others words or actions, intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes it isn't necessarily people we are hurt by, but by situations. I don't have to explain hurt - you've been there before. Maybe you're there now - great. Keep reading. 

I won't go into any detail here, but I have been there as well. Just a few nights ago, I was talking with a friend about hurt. As I was sharing some things with her, she began speaking about hurt and healing. She said something that stuck with me. So much so that I decided to write on it! She was explaining to me that God has healed me from my hurt, yet I am being poked at by the devil, who wants me to believe I am not healed quite yet. She said, "The surgery went well, but I can poke around in the incision all day long." 

As I thought that night about what my dear friend had said, Galatians 5 first came to mind. Galatians is a book in the Bible that is actually a letter written by the apostle Paul. He was writing to the Galatians Christians (hints the name: Galatians) because they had turned from their freedom in Christ back to the old Jewish law. Galatians 5:1 says, 

"It is for freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." (ESV)

 The second part of that sounds a little "churchy," but the NLT version says, "Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law." In other words, Paul is telling the Galatians to live out the freedom they have been given and not go back to their old ways of the strict Jewish laws.

So what does this have to do with surgery, incisions,  and being hurt?

Well, just as Jesus has set us free from the law, He has also healed us. Psalm 147 says,

"He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." (v. 3 NLT)

How does this work? I'm if you're hurt, you're thinking, great. Jesus can heal my broken heart. What does that even mean and how does that even work.

Valid questions!

Colossians describes what it means to be healed.

"...in Christ you have been brought to fullness." (2:10 NIV)

We have been made whole in Christ. Our brokenness can be healed in Jesus.

Isaiah 53 tells us how Jesus heals.

"He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed." (NLT)

Because Jesus took our punishment by being beaten and whipped, we are free to receive healing for our brokenness.

I'm sure some of you are thinking, this isn't for me. You don't know my situation. Jesus can't heal this. This is as far from truth as it gets! I love what Matthew 9 says,

"Jesus traveled through all the towns and villages...and he healed every kind of disease and illness." (v. 35 NLT).

It does not say Jesus healed "some" or "a few," but every. Jesus is a master healer, a perfect doctor - he has the remedy for your illness.

Oftentimes, God heals our broken hearts and binds up our wounds (Psalm 147:3), yet we listen to the evil one, the devil, telling us the lie that we are not yet healed. One important truth we need to understand in this is that the devil wants to steal, kill, and destroy us (John 10:10). The ESV says that the thief (the devil) comes only to steal, kill, and destroy.  In other words, the devil will do anything and everything to destroy us, and if he can use a broken heart to do that, he sure will. 

And this brings us to the quote of my wise friend, "The surgery went well, but I can poke around in the incision all day long." This is how the devil responds to our healing. He sees that God has healed us, and there is nothing he can do about it. The devil cannot undo or even touch the work of God. Remember, the devil only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. So once he sees that God has healed our wounds and our broken, bleeding hearts, the devil goes back to his drawing board and begins plotting ways to mess with what has already been done. 

While God has healed us, we are still fresh out of surgery. Good news is that the surgery went well. Like I said, God is an expert surgeon and knows what He's doing. However, the incision is still healing. It's a little itchy, uncomfortable, and tinder to the touch. So the devil starts poking around in the incision, making us question whether the surgery is good and done or not.

The important thing to remember is that while the incision is still healing up, the surgery went well. We are on the road to recovery. Do not listen to the lie that God has not healed you, forgiven you, or made you whole again. That's just the devil poking around in your incision from surgery. It's tinder, it's uncomfortable, but focus on the healing God has done for you. Walk in the truth that you have been healed. Do not let the devil negate what God has done. 

"Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me." (Psalm 30:2 NIV)

House-Flipping: Bought and Remodeled

One thing about Bible college is that sometimes homework completely cuts you to the heart. For my Intro to Bible class, my assignment was to do a study on Ephesians. The book of Ephesians is just a book in the New Testament. It's a letter this cool guy named Paul wrote to a Church in Ephesus, a place that is super old and what not. If you have not heard of Paul or Paul's story, I'd suggest checking it out! It's incredible! It can be found in Acts 9.

Anyway, back to Ephesians. I'm reading Ephesians, trying to get my homework done on time, and the words of this letter begin sinking in. So here I am, sitting in Starbucks, trying not to cry because Jesus is alive and real and he loves me!

Ephesians 2:1-10 is what got me. In the New Living Translation, this passage is titled, "Made Alive with Christ." Open your Bible or Google it and check it out! This short section of the letter to the Ephesians is talking about how God has made them new. They used to live this old life full of sin and darkness, and now they have a new life in Christ. God had bought them back, through the blood of Christ on the cross, and now they belonged to God.

Good News: the same goes for us. We have been bought back and belong to God. We no longer life a life of darkness, but we have a new life in Christ.

Earlier this morning, I was watching a TV show about house-flipping. A person buys a house that is run down, dirty, gross, and usually needs a lot of fixing! They go in and begin cleaning out old closets, wiping away sludge, and fixing the broken things. However, often when they begin fixing things, they find more repairs that need to be done. By the time they are done, the house is completely remodeled and often does not even look the same as before.

When thinking about the new life in Christ we have, I thought of this show. This is what God does for us. He buys us, through the blood of His son, Jesus. When He goes inside our hearts, he finds it dirty, gross, and broken. It needs a lot of fixing. He goes in, begins cleaning out old closets, throwing away garbage, wiping away slime and mud, and fixing broken things. Often times, when fixing things, we discover more and more broken things. God begins cleaning our hearts and we begin looking like a new person. We begin to live in our new life in Christ.

Luckily, we do not have any old craftsman buy us. We have the expert Craftsman, who knows how to fix it all.

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

Now, after an expert Craftsman bought us and fixed us up, we are remodeled.

Fish are Friends, Not Food

This past weekend, I decided to go fishing. Yes, I am a female. Yes, I wanted to go fishing. I enjoy it; however I am lacking in fishing skills!! After hardly an hour, my friend and I gave up and drove home. Shortly after, I posted this Facebook status:

Fishing today made me realize how impatient I truly am. It made me think of Jesus, calling his disciples to be "fishers of men" (Matthew 4:19). I realized the way I fish for fish, impatiently and on my watch, is the way I fish for people: impatiently and on my watch.

More on this realization to come.

             -Me (Facebook), March 21, 2015

So I told myself I would write a blog post on this thought later. I was not entirely sure where the thought would take me. 

Over the past few days, my mind and thoughts shifted towards something else. I began seeing some frustration in my heart towards the Church (Big C, Corporate Church). While God has done amazing work in my heart, softening it towards brokenness I had seen in the Church, I still get caught up on some things. The thoughts and feelings were set off by something a professor said in class.

We were discussing the Gospel of Luke. We were saying Luke paints a picture of Jesus that shows Him as a compassionate, loving Jesus who spends time with and hangs out with sinners, prostitutes, tax collectors, the poor, etc. He had challenged his congregation years ago with this, he said,

"Jesus hung out with these people. The outcasts. Do you think they liked hanging out with Him?

Yeah, they did. So why don't they like hanging out with us?" 

              -Freddy J

Wow. That made me sit back and my chair and think. Clearly if people we could call "the least of these" enjoyed hanging out with Jesus, but do not enjoy hanging out with me...then we are not acting like Jesus.

So often we want to minister to people and "push our God down their throat" for lack of better terms. I think we hear Jesus calling us to be "fishers of men" and get frustrated when the fish are not biting. We get frustrated that the fish do not want what we are offering. 

Hear me on this, I am not saying we should negate the gospel and give others what they would like to hear. I fully believe we should and are called to spread the Gospel, the Good News of Jesus!

However, I think often we want to skip to that part. Skip to the fish biting. But we leave out relationship. We do not want to take the time to get to know people, wait for them, answer their questions, listen to their thoughts, attempt to understand their point of view, let alone hang out with them! We want it to be convenient. Something like, "Hey, i dropped my little warm on my hook in the water, it's about time some fish start biting."

No! We need patience. I am so guilty of this. While I have developed some patience over my few years, I have a long way to go!

I want for myself, and the Church, to become more like Jesus. To hang out with, do life with, show love and patience towards the least of these. Instead of dropping a worm, or a church invite card in their lap. Why don't we drop a conversation? Why don't we get to know who they are and where they came from? I want to look at a few stories of Jesus in order to grasp a better understanding on what it would look like to simply be with the outcasts in our society.

I like the story of the women who touched the edge of Jesus' robe (I also really like that Jesus wore a robe...can we bring that back?) (Luke 8:40-47)
Jesus was on his way to Jarius's house (v. 42). Jarius was a leader of the local synagogue (v. 41) . His daughter was sick and dying, so he asked Jesus to come with him in order to heal her (v. 42).
Now to the women...
I imagine Jesus walking with a crowd of people (sort of like the crowd that walks down the hallway in high school and takes up the ENTIRE hallway. Clearly those people must be important! Anybody walking past Jesus the other way, I am sure thought the same thing.) 

As Jesus went with him (Jarius), he was surrounded by the crowds. A women in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding (she had spent everything she had on doctors), and she could find no cure. Coming up behind Jesus, she touched the fringe of his robe. Immediately the bleeding stopped.

"Who touched me?" Jesus asked.

Everyone denied it, and Peter said, "Master, this whole crowd is pressing up against you." 

But Jesus said, "Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me."

I imagine half of the disciples waiting for Jesus or God to smite someone unworthy of touching the robe of Jesus, while the other half is ready to throw out whoever touched Him. 

When the woman realized that she could not stay hidden, she began to tremble and fell to her knees in front of him. The whole crowd heard her explain why she had touched him and that she had been immediately healed. 

Meditate on that for a minute. "Try this one on for size" as Freddy J would say. Can you imagine? The emotions she must have been feeling had to have been so intense. I am sure it took a lot of work to even push through the crowd to even get a gimps of Jesus, let alone touch his robe. Then the excitement and awe of being healed, then the terror that comes wondering what Jesus will say or do to her. 

"Daughter," he said to her, "your faith has made you well. Go in peace."

Jesus never rebukes this women from touching her. He does not get annoyed with the commotion. He simply says, "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace." I can only imagine the gentleness and compassion in his eyes. 

Later in Luke's Gospel, we come across the story of Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10). Zacchaeus is a tax collector. In fact, he was the chief tax collector in the region. 
Tax collectors were hated in Jesus' day. They were in the margins of society. Think about it, you probably would not be found of the person who knocks on your door every year and says, "Hi, I need 30% of your income. Uncle Sam says so. Thanks." Not only this, but Tax Collectors then would often take a portion for themselves. Verse 2 says Zacchaeus had become very rich, suggesting he was very sly with his "tax" collecting.
When Jesus sees Zaccheus, does he condemn him for taking money? Does he send him off? Does he just ignore him? No. Jesus doesn't even mention it. He simply says he wants to be a guest in his home. Jesus wants to hang out with Zaccheus, the chief tax collector.

Would you look past the ugliness of someone's sin and hang out with the outcasts, the marginalized, the overlooked?

Time and Time again, we can see Jesus showing grace, mercy, compassion, and love, towards the least of these. He establishes a relationship. He shows patience. 

So what?

When we are fishing, when we are evangelizing, it is essential to remember that the fish, the people, are friends. I do not think we should speak the Gospel to someone with the intention to "win them over" or to "gain" something for ourselves, whether that is bragging rights, or favor with God. I think we should do it because we love them. They are our friends.

Fish are friends, not food. Fish are the people. May we seek relationship with them. They are our friends. They are not something to be won over or earned. They are not food.

"Fish are friends, not food."

             -Bruce (Finding Nemo)

 

 

Sometimes It Takes a Wrestling Match

So often I find myself doing things my way, trying to get what I want, instead of keeling before the King and declaring "Lord, have Your way...Not my will be done, but Yours."

I am a lot like Jacob. I am a deceiver. I deceive in order to get my way.

Jacob has a history of deceiving others in order to get his way. In fact, the name Jacob sounds like the Hebrew word for "heal" and deceiver." Jacob began his deceiving habits with gaining his brother's birthright:

"One day when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau arrived home from the wilderness exhausted and hungry. Esau said to Jacob, “I’m starved! Give me some of that red stew!” (This is how Esau got his other name, Edom, which means “red.”) 

 “All right,” Jacob replied, “but trade me your rights as the firstborn son.”

-Genesis 25:29-31 

Later on, Jacob deceives his father in order to receive the blessing:

"Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Come closer so I can touch you and make sure that you really are Esau.” So Jacob went closer to his father, and Isaac touched him. “The voice is Jacob’s, but the hands are Esau’s,” Isaac said.But he did not recognize Jacob, because Jacob’s hands felt hairy just like Esau’s. So Isaac prepared to bless Jacob.“But are you really my son Esau?” he asked.
“Yes, I am,” Jacob replied.
Then Isaac said, “Now, my son, bring me the wild game. Let me eat it, and then I will give you my blessing.” So Jacob took the food to his father, and Isaac ate it. He also drank the wine that Jacob served him. Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Please come a little closer and kiss me, my son.”
So Jacob went over and kissed him. And when Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he was finally convinced, and he blessed his son. He said, “Ah! The smell of my son is like the smell of the outdoors, which the lord has blessed!"
-Genesis 27:21-27

So how did Jacob pull this off? Isaac was old and turning blind (27:1), so he could not see that this son was clearly not Esau, but Jacob. Jacob felt like Esau because his mother used to skin and fur of a goat to cover Jacob's smooth skin. Jacob smelled like Esau because he was clothed in Esau's clothes. 

Now Jacob has deceived his way into getting the birthright, meaning he gets 2/3 of Issac's estate when he die. He has also deceived his way into getting the blessing of his father. Well, Jacob's deceiving will come around to kick him in the butt down the road.

Jacob later meets a beautiful girl, named Rachel. Jacob discusses with Rachel's father, Laban, and they decide Jacob will work seven years for Rachel to be his wife. So, Jacob works seven years, they have a celebration, and Jacob wakes up the next morning to find not Rachel in his tent, but Leah, Rachel's older sister. Laban had deceived the deceiver. Jacob agrees to work another seven years in order to finally marry his love, Rachel. (Genesis 29:1-30)

One night, Jacob is alone in a camp when a man comes and wrestles him:

"This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!”
But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
“What is your name?” the man asked.
He replied, “Jacob.”
“Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.”
-Genesis 32:24-28

This man turns out to be an angel. Verse 25 points out Jacob's stubbornness once again: "When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob's hip and wrenched it out of its socket." Jacob was so desperate to win, the angel had to break his hip. 


Jacob had three options in this scenario. Fight. Flight. Or freeze. Jacob chose to fight. He didn't just fight, he held on for dear life. After the fight, the angel renames Jacob, Israel. Jacob means "heal grabber", Israel means "God wrestles." Jacob went from a heal grabbing, deceiving man, to a man who wrestles with God. The angel did not leave Jacob, this shows that God won't let go. 
God finally gets his way with Jacob. Of course, Jacob forced him to do it the hard way, but God gets his way.

This brings me back to us. To me. To you.

Sometimes it is going to hurt. God might have to break us. We may walk away with a limp, sometimes it takes a wrestling match:

"Sometimes it takes a wrestling match for God to have His way with us."

-Dr. Mark J. Mangano