My English teacher shouted as he made his true and very profound statement. It's true. Every story should have an ending. Isn't that a key trait of a story? It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Can you think of a story without an ending? It probably frustrates you, right? It leaves you sitting in the movie theater muttering "wait. . .is it over?" It leaves you sitting in your favorite reading chair, slamming the book down thinking "what?? what else??". It leaves you laying on the couch shouting "That's it? That's all there is?!" Whether it's a movie, a book, or a TV series, stories should have an ending.
Well what if it's life? What about a life story? What then?
It leaves you mourning through the pain "It's over? No more? But. . .what if. . .we could have. . .we should have. . . it shouldn't be this way. . ." It's true. Every story, even life stories, have an ending. But what if that ending isn't how it's supposed to be? What if the person living the story just ends it? Right then and there. No warning. Nothing. Is that even an ending? That's called suicide. A word I believe that comes with, for most of us, at least a small tug on our tender heart strings. Perhaps for others, the word hits a more sensitive piece of us. For me, it's usually a freight-train. Followed by a quick, cold shutter, dry mouth, and racing thoughts that leave me squirming in my seat.
For me, the word brings me to a personal experience. My junior year of high school, I had met a boy through a friend and the major crush began. Typical, teenage girl crush. Thinking about him, wanting to text him but being sure to wait for him to text me first, but then again - maybe I should just text him. Many of you probably know the feeling. Well, this boy, Ryan, invited me to church so we could meet. I could still tell you details of the day. I'll sum it up by saying - it was great and i walked through the tall glass doors thinking "I'd like to see that boy again." I wouldn't get to see Ryan again. He committed suicide just 4 days later. It was a Thursday. I still remember the crippling phone call "Ryan committed suicide." Those three words coming through the phone still haunt me to this day. The story is over. What? 17 years old is not where you end a story. It took me a long, long time for this concept to fully sink in.
In all honesty, I still struggle, almost every day, accepting it. For months after, I was sure it would all go away, and I would be okay. Well here I am, 14 months and 6 days later, blogging about it. Turns out, it didn't go away. The story was over. No more. Let the pen drop. I struggled with so long, wondering "why it bothered me so much. I barley knew the kid." Countless friends reassured me - it doesn't matter how long you knew him. He had a deep impact on me. Yeah, ok, that's true. I continue to learn new things as I walk through patches of grief and mourning that arise about why it bothered me so much. Today in English was another revelation: His story didn't have an ending.
Well, okay, it did have an ending. But it was unexpected, not the kind of ending I had imagined. I was expecting the usual - date for a few months and then probably break it off. Although at the time I would have told you "I think we will be together for a while." Ryan had ended his story. He placed the period, and laid his pen down. No warnings, no heads up. Not the kind of ending I was expecting.
I was not expecting a period in that chapter of my life as I flipped through the pages.
My chapter read something like this:
Meet boy through friend. His name is Ryan. He is cute, funny, friendly and goes to church. Talk for about a month. Meet at church (kind of a strange place to meet, but I like where this is going. Christian relationship? I can see that). Leave church, looking forward to seeing that smiling face again on Friday! I haven't heard from Ryan in a few days, we always text throughout the day. Maybe he is busy. I miss talking to him. Ryan committed suicide. The end.
Not the ending I was expecting. I was not expecting to see the period at the end of my boy-crazed girl statement of "I miss talking to him." In all honesty, I expected to see a semi-colon. I expected this chapter of my life to go a little more like this:
Meet boy through friend. His name is Ryan. He is cute, funny, friendly and goes to church. Talk for about a month. Meet at church (kind of a strange place to meet, but I like where this is going. Christian relationship? I can see that). Leave church, looking forward to seeing that smiling face again on Friday! I haven't heard from Ryan in a few days, we always text throughout the day. Maybe he is busy. I miss talking to him; I wonder when I'll here from him. We got to see each other again on Friday! I am really starting to like this boy...
And I would let my teenage girl mind take over from there.
Notice the difference? One small punctuation mark. A semi-colon instead of a period. What is a semi-colon? A semi-colon represents a sentence that the author could have ended, but chose not to. Ryan could have chosen to use a semi-colon that day, but he chose a period. It's a period I will never forget and am very sad to accept.
I learned many things through this realization. I learned that I have a choice. i have a choice of using a period, a semi-colon, or even a comma. The one I always come to, it never fails me, is the comma. It is used with a coordinating conjunction to connect two independent clauses. My weapon of choice is a comma and the conjunction but. Let me show you what I mean:
It's too hard, but...
I'm too small, but...
I can't do it, but...
I can't handle it, but...
I don't know, but...
I'm lost, but...
I am not, but...
It's too complicated, but...
But what?
BUT GOD! But God.
It's too hard, but God can do it.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20 NLT)
I'm too small, but God is big.
For the Lord is high above the nations; his glory is higher than the heavens. Who can be compared with the Lord our God, who is enthroned on high? He stoops to look down on heaven and on earth. (Psalms 113:4-6 NLT)
I can't do it, but God can.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)
I can't handle it, but God will.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)
I don't know, but God knows.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (Proverbs 3:5 NIV)
I'm lost, but God knows where you are.
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— (John 10:14 NIV)
I am not, but God is.
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. (Revelation 22:13 NIV)
It's too complicated, but God understands.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9 NIV)
Whenever it feels like you've come to an ending place, a dead end, a broken road try inserting a "but God".
